Teri said something the other day that is quite profound, something that went like this: Matt and I don’t like each other much these last few weeks, but we’ve never stopped loving each other. As I contemplate Happiness and our society’s obsession with creating a day of relationships celebration, I’ve discovered that as I look for the happy things in life, I'm doing just fine. I’ve tried to explain to myself what I’m looking for these last weeks, and I think Teri just gave my search new meaning.
Let me explain:
It's not about learning to love my life or the finding of happiness being an end. Simply, I want to like my life a little more from day to day...it's cliche-ish: find the silver lining, improving my quality of life, making the best of it, living in the moment, smelling the roses...ugh. I feel like the last man in a marathon, attempting to sip the final drops of water from the smashed paper cups littering the asphalt.
I guess I'm searching for the day to day things that put me out of sync with what I know is real. Take the Atkins diet. I know it changes how I think about my life day to day. It affects how much I like my life. It makes abnormal out of normal. My weight does the same. My need to be right. A surprise love note on my car seat at 6am does too. Happiness and sadness will come and go. Big things will happen. But it's life in between those moment, life in the cracks that means the most to me, and making those small, forgotten moments happy ones seems very possible to me. It's funny, when you think about it, you are reading straight from a crack in my life.
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