Carbless Happiness

During my email spelunking trip a few days back, I ran into a chat conversation I had with my brother in law at the start of the year. There is irony here, which I will explain. I hate to once again come to this, but this epiphany came to me in the midst of a Sunday school lesson as I chatted with my 16-18 year old students about life. The lesson that kicked off this epiphany dealt with gratitude, an appropriate lesson for the Thanksgiving season.

It started with the question, “why are we ungrateful?” It’s a basic question. Before moving on, answer this question, “why am I so ungrateful?” I know you are, even if you think you are not. We think plenty of wonderful things about ourselves that are not true and this happens to be one of them, which makes it a really difficult question to answer truthfully. So, here is my answer and some thoughts that came during the lesson we discussed last January.

I’m ungrateful. I know this because I want more, more than I have, more than I need, more than I deserve. When I ponder this truth I can see how its normality has led me by the nose into the murky depths of the well of selfishness. Yes, I’m greedy. It’s normal. Right? “Place the mask over your face before attempting to secure the mask to your child’s face.” “Every man for himself.” “Know the word before you preach the word.” “Remove the beam from your own eye…” Selfishness is key to survival and often a key to knowledge; this is self-evident. As Socrates said, “the unexamined life is not worth living.” A self-first mentality can be the most important of beliefs. However, it is this same natural instinct of survival that becomes a societies built-in self-destruct mechanism. If this doesn’t make sense, just consider the recent economic debacles we have suffered through because of nonsensical risk and self-first policies. Selfishness was the progenitor of this mess. Alan Greenspan believed that the heads of banks would look after their investors more so than themselves. In essence, he believed that they would act on the behalf of the many and become self-regulating. How ideal and stupid at the same time.

Selfishness unchecked over-stimulates the risk side of the desired reward equation. Call it a midlife crisis. It doesn’t matter. Eventually, our unchecked selfishness leads to that moment where we naively ask, “how did I get here.” The answer – by choice.

So, what to do?

Hypothesis: I want more and in wanting more I rationalize my need for more by conveniently misremembering or failing to assign value to what I have.

There is a simple test. It’s Christmas time. Write me a list of everything you received last year and who it was that gave you each gift. Tell me how it made you feel and what you did with each gift and what you said to this person when you received it. That’s right. You can’t. Although, you will remember a few gifts…the ones that really meant something to you because you assigned it value.

I spend little time considering what I have and what I have been given, and who it was that provided these things, to enable my justification for acquiring more. “That shirt doesn’t fit very well, I should grab another one. We don’t have any food I like; I should grab something I will eat. I work hard so I deserve this new flat screen tv. She’s being mean to me, it’s okay if I cheat this once. I only want what my neighbor has, nothing more. If I get one more promotion, then I’ll be happy. An extra room where we can store all of the stuff we never use would be very useful. We haven’t spent that much money this year on vacation, we can afford a little bit more. That’s why we have welfare and soup kitchens; this bum on the side of the street doesn’t need my money. Nice guys finish last; I’m taking the last one.“

All together now: we consciously or subconsciously decide not to remember what we have or where we came from to justify our selfish desire to acquire more, which is all proof of our dire ungratefulness.

Does that make sense? It’s hard to fathom a world of grateful human beings. People that spend time considering each thing they earn or are given; people that acquire stuff out of need, instead of acquiring more debt in a vacuous quest to vanquish the infinite desire for more. You can’t cut selfishness out of your body. It is a part of your genetic code. Learn. You can understand your selfishness. You can decide to remember. You can spend time thanking and remembering, instead of searching and buying.

Remember. Write it down. Read your list each day. Thank those people, thank that God, or thank that world or those seemingly random events that brought you to this point. Make it a habit. I promise, the more you do this, the less you will feel like you need to have or acquire to be happy.

Being grateful is not about fulfilling some “become a better person” roadmap. Instead, being grateful is the key to satisfaction and happiness. Without it, no amount of money, prestige, awards, religiosity, or power will ever suffice.

Now if I could only get an iPhone, I'd be so happy...

Nothing like a crazy election cycle and a concerted effort by the Church to oppose gay marriage that reminds me of my Great Great Grandfather Anthon H Lund, the Apostle and member of the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints from 1889-1921.

In an Age of the Church's history when individuality is considered an apostate notion, I must admire this singular man. Although I’m still learning about him, I can’t help but chuckle to myself as I read the following thoughts about him as I consider my own Path:

“Anthon H. Lund served as Counselor in the First Presidency under President Joseph F. Smith and under Heber J. Grant. He was always "just a bit different," and not only because of his nationality. At the time of his call the the Twelve, he was the only monogamist among the Apostles. He wasn't afraid to be different.” reference

“Lund was the one to give the first Conference Talk in 1899 emphasizing it was no longer Church policy to gather to Zion, but that Saints were to stay in their native lands and build up the Church there. I wonder how much influence he had in that decision.”reference

“Another example of Lund's disregard of convention occurred in 1903 when Benjamin Cluff, Jr., president of the Brigham Young Academy proposed to the Board that it change the name of the school to Brigham Young University, which had been his aim all fourteen years of his administration. There followed a vigorous dispute over this proposal. Thinking the school was not qualified to become a university, Anthon H. Lund of the First Presidency vigorously opposed it but was outvoted by his brethren. In his diary for the day President Lund recorded, "I hope their head will grow big enough for their hat."reference

“In his diary Lund said that when President Joseph F. Smith nominated his son Hyrum in their meeting with the Twelve in October 1901 that there was talk of nepotism by some of the Twelve. A couple of the Twelve said Hyrum had not served in any major church calling and his qualifications weren't obvious. President Smith told them he didn't know why but the Lord revealed to him that his son was to be the next apostle but that was who the Lord wanted. Elder Lund spoke out in favor of Hyrum's calling saying if that was who the Prophet and the Lord both wanted then the other brethren should support the calling. A vote was called and the brethren voted to call Hyrum Mack Smith as an apostle.

Later when the Apostle Hyrum became ill, he refused medical treatment. Hyrum maintained that the Lord would protect him and he would be cured. His father the Prophet became worried and asked him to reconsider--that the family's personal physician could operate on him immediately. It took several hours to convince him but finally he did it for his father's sake. Peritonitis had set in. When the surgeon opened him up he died on the table from the infection on 23 January 1918. Lund goes on to write that many general authorities expressed the opinion that Hyrum was taken early because he was needed in the Spirit World to work among the youth and that they said that mainly to try to soften the loss for President Smith. Lund stood up indignantly and opined that the needless tragedy would not have occurred had Hyrum been wise and gone to a doctor sooner.”reference

There are many more stories like this about my Great Great Grandfather (time to buy a compilation of his journals). But one final thought regarding the history of the Word of Wisdom. As far as I have studied the issue, it would appear that Anthon did not support the effort by the leadership of the Church to make adherence to the Word of Wisdom a requirement for admission to the temple; the same year my Great Great Grandfather died (March of 1921), President Heber J. Grant the most ardent supporter of strict adherence to the Word of Wisdom and the Prohibition movement, made a successful push to formalize this requirement as a part of church policy. Surely, this will be one of the sections of his journals that I will look at closely. reference.

I wish I could have met this man. Anthon H. Lund. He was a little bit different. In fact he wasn’t afraid to be different. And he was an Apostle and servant of the Lord with a strong testimony of the Restoration.

The unexpected is something that can brighten even my most sour moods. It makes my eyes smile. Genuine happiness. One such moment of this past week is worthy of sharing.

Trick of Treat…what?

Our daughter Zoe is a very happy child. She gallops, literally, around the house. She makes funny noises hoping to get a laugh or two from her dazed parents. Of course, I encourage her giggling; the absurd can be quite absurd. Zoe’s smile is so incredible and incredibly contagious. As Teri has learned, it’s hard not to laugh when you are mere inches away from that smiling face. During our sober walk through the neighborhood this Halloween, Zoe strutted in her horse costume far ahead of her siblings, placing herself in front of each door. And, out of the blue, a few doors later, as one neighbor grabbed a bag of candy, Zoe blurted out, “Trick of treat, poo poo head,” followed by a burst of giggling, “poo poo head, trick or treat”.

Trick of treat, poo poo head. Such statements lead us quickly into that “mortifunny” state that afflicts parents like us. Reminiscent of four year old Taylor’s “ah, my snowman melted, damn it” one late November afternoon four years ago, no amount of “now Zoe, that’s not appropriate” got through to her that evening, and that was before she ate any of that candy.

Trick or treat poo poo head. See, there’s my problem, it’s pretty damn funny.

Oh, Teri reminded me of one more Zoe moment last week. Here is the short conversation as recorded by my lovely wife... "Love is not meat, mom", said Zoe. "What?", said mom, who then looks around the room at the table where Zoe is stealing her sister's meat..."and Love is not stealing your sisters meat (off her lunch)", said mom. "That's stupid!!" said Zoe and she stomped off.